Recipe for a perfect day

If I could have a day just for me. A day where money is not an issue and I could spend the whole day doing whatever I wanted. A day just to enjoy and focus on being happy. *sigh* That would not be a hard day to plan.

Three rubber ducks in foam bath (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I would start with breakfast. It’s my favorite meal of the day. Only this particular breakfast would be served to me from a fireside table at one of my favorite breakfast restaurants. (And since it’s my perfect day, I believe I should be able to eat said breakfast without the effects of any of the calories.)

I would then go for a couple of hours to get a massage, manicure, and pedicure. A couple of hours of relaxation and pampering myself. A couple of hours to let my mind stop running in circles and to think only of how awesome life is at that moment.

After my spa session, I would grab a good book, a great cup of coffee, and head to the park with my favorite little ones. I would lounge in the grass, soaking up the sun and reading, while my kiddos played and ran and laughed. We would stay until they couldn’t possibly play any longer and then we would go somewhere to find an ice cream cone.

I would then take my little family on a shopping spree. New clothes, shoes, pretties, and toys for everyone. Several hours to spoil us all. We would head to the biggest mall around and not worry about how much time or money we were spending. We would just go crazy; in a way we never could in reality.

After that, it would be bed time for the little people. I would pour a glass of wine, take the rest of my book, and spend the last of my me time in a bubble bath. When I couldn’t possibly sit in the bathtub any longer, I would curl up with my husband and watch a move to finish up the perfect day.

Now, to find someone willing to fund this day I have planned…..

What would your perfect day look like?

Redefining beauty

Something horrible has happened. Something we may never be able to shield ourselves or our daughters from. Something that has been happening for a long time. Beauty has become unattainable for most of us.

What has happened to our perception of beauty? Look at the beautiful women and sex-symbols of the 1950s; Marilyn Monroe, Elizabeth Taylor, Bettie Page. Look at The Birth of Venus, or any of the art from the Renaissance. But somewhere along the way, all of that changed.

Men are constantly being surrounded; through tv, magazines, cd covers, movies, etc… with the women whom are considered beautiful by society’s standards. And every time my husband stops to look at a magazine, or freezes for just a second while flipping through the channels (and he definitely doesn’t do it often), these are my thoughts:

Carrie Underwood…. My legs look nothing like that.

Pink…. I could never look like that in a bikini.

Miranda Kerr….. Her boobs.

Heidi Klum….. She’s had how many kids? I’ve had one and stretch marks have accompanied me ever since.

The list could go on and on. (And in the interest of not sounding judgemental, I know that most of those women work very hard to look the way they do. And they are beautiful!)

My husband, like many of yours, could compliment me 100 times a day, but years of being shown I’m not beautiful are hard for him to compete with. Hundreds, probably thousands, of images of “real” beauty are hard to deny.

I am in no way saying that we shouldn’t have goals or better our health. Obesity is not healthy. I know this.

However, size 6 is NOT plus sized. The average woman is much closer to a size 14. And all of those cute clothes and gorgeous dresses. They aren’t made in that size. In most stores, that size is located in the “women” or “misses” section. You might as well call them “fat clothes” because that’s what we feel like when we shop for them.

I will never forget my moment. The moment I saw a curvy, real woman and thought, for possibly the first time in my adult life, “She is beautiful. She is real and she is beautiful. Maybe I could be beautiful too.” Sara Ramirez. Grey’s Anatomy. There is a scene, several seasons ago, where she dances. In a basement. In her underwear. She’s beautiful. And she is also, from that moment on… One of my heroes. I wanted her confidence. I wanted her sassiness. I wanted to be her, in that moment. (Well, making out with Mark Sloan didn’t hurt, either.)

Some of the most beautiful women I have met are not thin. What they are is confident. Happy. Self-assured. Beautiful.

So, my new goal in life is to help change the definition of beauty. To help little girls know that they are beautiful. To help women know that they are beautiful. To help men realize that the pausing on a tv channel, and ogling magazine covers, and the “innocent” comment about the woman in the movies, is hurtful. And even the most innocent comments only cement what we already think of ourselves; that we could never possibly compete.

The challenge for today:
Ladies: Look into a mirror and find five things that are beautiful about you. Five. Now say them out loud. And tomorrow, find five more. Rinse and repeat.
Fellas: Tell your wife (and your daughter, and your sister, and your mother, and the old lady across the street, but especially your wife) five things that are beautiful about her. Five. Make her believe it. And tomorrow, find five more. You get the idea.

And slowly, even if it’s one woman at a time, I pray the world will change it’s perception of beauty.

Faking perfect

In October 2012, the tv show Criminal Minds did an episode about a serial killer who was targeting families that portrayed these perfect lives on social media but were falling apart in reality. Which brought to mind several questions.

Are we faking perfect to other people?

Should we be faking perfect to other people?

What are the consequences of faking perfect?

Here are my thoughts on those questions. Please, feel free to share yours.

Are we faking perfect? The answer to that is easily found. A scroll through Facebook will quickly make you think that everyone you know has a better life than you do. No one else’s husband leaves his dirty underwear in the floor. No one else’s wife is too busy for sex. No one else’s kid threw a tantrum in Target. No one else suffers with insecurity, depression, addiction, failure, weakness. You are the only one. You are the only one with struggles. You are the only one with pain. Questions. You are alone. And so…. You take a deep breath, and, through a haze of tears, you post about your perfect life too.

Should we be faking perfect? That is tricky. I said I was going to answer these questions, but this one might require a politician’s answer. No, we shouldn’t. When we start doing that, we get stuck in this never-ending cycle. Not only do we post perfect on our social media sites, but then we start faking it to everyone. We walk around with our fake smile plastered on, we tell everyone how wonderful life is, and we fall apart every time we are alone with the doors closed. However, I do not believe that social media, with its myriad of acquaintances that I may or may not know well, is the place to lay out all of our problems. The fight my husband and I got into yesterday should not be on display for all to see. Some things are very personal. There must exist, somehow, a happy medium. A way for us to be honest about our lives without getting too personal in an inappropriate setting. I’m just not the one who knows where or how to find that happy medium.

What are the consequences of faking perfect? The consequences are that you are left alone in your imperfect life, left to deal with your struggles and fears alone. People don’t reach out to each other. No one offers or accepts support. And we all deal with our very imperfect lives on our own. Here’s an example: For years, I was a single mom. I felt loneliness, hopelessness, rejection, fear, failure. I dealt with all of the ups and downs of parenting alone. There were very few people saying to me, “I’ve been there, I know the emotions you’re going through, try this.” So… I’ve been a single mom. I’ve felt loneliness, hopelessness, rejection, fear, and failure. I’ve dealt with ups and downs of parenting alone. And I have no one to reach out to and say, “I’ve been there, I know the emotions you’re going through, try this.” Because no one talks about it. No one asks for help. Everyone’s life is perfect.

To be clear… I don’t think we should all sit around and complain about our lives. There is almost always someone who has a worse lot in life than you do. I DO think we should not be ashamed to ask for help, to admit when we are struggling, or to take a moment every now and again to ask, “Why me?”

And we should NEVER make people feel shame for being strong enough to ask for help or admit that they are struggling with something. In this perfect world, that takes more strength than faking your next Facebook status.