Tag Archives: Advice

A post of posts

15 Aug

I found a very interesting idea the other day…. A list of posts. A legacy of sorts.  Something to leave for my children to look back on some day. The things I think they should know about me. I have decided to tweak it and make it my own. As I finish each post, I will link it here and it will eventually become an interactive list of posts. I’m pretty excited about it and I hope you enjoy!

Thirty Things My Kids Should Know About Me

1. 20 Random Facts about myself
2. Describe 3 legitimate fears and how they came about
3. Describe my relationship with my spouse
4. The 10 things that make me most happy, right now
5. If I had 3 wishes…..
6. My dream job
7. Five things I am passionate about
8. Ten people who have influenced me
9. Embarrassing moments
10. Pet peeves
11. A typical day in the life
12. The hardest part of growing up
13. Weaknesses and strengths
14. When I knew he was “the one”
15. My 5 greatest accomplishments
16. What I wish I were great at
17. What people love the most about me
18. How I felt the moment I became a parent
19. Memories from my childhood
20. Favorite holiday
21. Parenthood: likes and dislikes
22. Dinner party from history
23. Favorite quality of my spouse
24. Hopes and dreams for my children
25. Ten things I want to be remembered for
26. My favorite things about me
27. Best advice I ever received
28. Best advice I can give
29. Where to go from here
30. What faith can do

Going to the chapel…..

24 Jul

My baby brother is getting married in a little over a week. It wasn’t all that long ago that I was looking forward to my own wedding. I was much older than he is now and I thought I knew so much. I thought I knew what to expect and what life would be like. I had no idea. I do realize that no one can ever prepare you for something like marriage and real life, but I want to try.


To Eric and Kelley (and anyone else who needs it),

Making the decision to love someone isn’t always easy. But that’s what it takes. Loving them no matter what. Even if they leave empty Mt. Dew cans in the living room. Even if they say they will fold the laundry and it’s still sitting, two days later. Even if their snoring keeps you awake at night. Even if they say something that isn’t nice. Even if they don’t act like they love you. Even if you don’t want to. It’s hard and sometimes it’s messy. But, to make a marriage last, it’s necessary.

Working on your marriage should start before you need to work on your marriage. If you wait until there is a problem, things get much harder. Make date nights a priority. Make learning new things about each other a priority. Have those late night conversations like you did when you were dating. Continue to try to do little things that make each other happy. Let her pick the date activity. Go watch that superhero movie he’s looking forward to. Surprise each other with little tokens of your love. Don’t find yourselves, years down the road, realizing you know nothing about the other person and no one cares enough to make an effort anymore. Don’t even let it start.

Love is an action word. Gary Chapman writes a fantastic series called “The 5 Love Languages”. It’s a great resource on making sure that you are showing your spouse love in a way they can receive. Don’t just do things ‘your way’. Make sure you are doing things that are specifically acted out for the sole purpose of making the other person feel loved. The things they enjoy. The things they need. Sacrifice is an imperative part of making a marriage work. Just because you don’t particularly like holding hands doesn’t mean he doesn’t need it. You may find it silly to know that she needs to hear that she’s beautiful and the extent to which you love her everyday; do it anyway.

Have fun! Enjoy this time alone! Kids are great! They add so much to life that is incomparable. But, they take a lot as well. They take a lot of attention and love. They require stability and don’t allow for much alone time. They certainly change things drastically. I love both of my children! I do frequently wish, though, that my husband and I had been able to enjoy some time together, just us, before we added that component to our family. That wasn’t life’s path for us, but it is for you. Live each stage of life to its fullest!

Pray together. Make sure that God is in the center of your marriage, your home, your life, and eventually your parenting strategies. Continue to grow in your relationship with Him separately. Continue to support each other, challenge each other, and push each other to be better. He has all of the answers and strength that you need to make this marriage everything He designed it to be.

Fight fair. No name calling. Forgive past hurts and move beyond them. Bitterness is a dangerous trap to fall into. Be vulnerable and honest. Love unconditionally. Ask for help! There is no shame in seeking help from trustworthy sources that have your marriage’s best interest in mind. Don’t betray trust or confidentiality. Make sure no one else can be a threat to your marriage. (Friends and family included.) Make sure that giving up and walking away is never an option. Don’t even mention it. And never, ever forget that love, true love, conquers all.

I love you both and I wish you all of the happiness and joy that love and life can possibly bring!

Unsolicited advice

4 Mar

If I could give someone advice, something that I think would make their lives better, easier; I could. I would love to, in fact. And I know that my advice is something that not everyone agrees with, and that’s ok. All I can tell you is my experience, all I can give is my own opinion. And, I believe very strongly in what I’m about to say.

Don’t have sex until you get married. I know that’s “old-fashioned”. I know that you may think that you’re the only one waiting. (You’re not, by the way. There are far more people making that choice than you realize.) I know you feel like he/she won’t love you if you say “no”. Say it anyway. Chances are, that in two or five or ten years, you won’t love each other anyway. And if you do, they will respect you and love you more for standing up for yourself.

Don’t have sex until you get married. Let me tell you why I say that. Let me explain to those of you who think I sound like a hypocrite. Let me share my thoughts.

Sex is something beautiful. Well, it should be. It is designed to be a beautiful connection between two people who love each other. It is designed to be a physical representation of a love between a husband and wife. It is designed to build intimacy and create a closeness you can find nowhere else. At its most basic, it is designed to create children.

What happens is, you find someone that you think you love. You may even actually love them. You have all of these feelings and hormones you don’t understand. You think that it is an expectation. You think that, because you love this person, you are supposed to have sex with them. And then you grow up. Or you grow apart. For one reason or another, you realize that this person isn’t intended to be the one you spend forever with. You break up and move on.

That’s life. It happens. But, if you’ve had sex with this person, they take a part of you that you can never get back. They have somehow changed who you are and what you believe. They have altered your expectations and views of love and sex. They have forever impacted you.

Everybody knows the physical consequences; diseases and pregnancies. These things are taught to every middle and high school student in the nation. But no one talks about the emotional ones. No one talks about the lasting effects that only you can know.

And then, one day, that person does walk into your life. That person that you are supposed to spend forever with. That person that is worth walking through all of the trials and difficulties for. That person that makes your life more beautiful. And you regret. You regret that you don’t have every piece of yourself to give them. You regret that there have been others. You regret that someone else knows you like that. You regret that someone else has known your spouse like that.

It takes away from what could have been. It takes away from what is supposed to be. It leaves room for added insecurities and doubts. It changes things.

That’s my advice. And maybe I’m wrong…. but if I’m not, you won’t be able to realize it until it’s too late. You won’t be able to realize the full meaning behind what I’m saying until you have met Mr / Mrs Right. So, just consider it. Consider that I might be right. Consider that someone else has stood where you are, and made the decision that you’re trying to make. Consider that maybe, just maybe, what’s popular isn’t always right.

You have options. You have choices. Make sure you make the choice that is right for you…. the one that will continue to be right for you.

Scrawny Resistance

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