Several days ago, I was talking to my husband about a song on the radio. Somehow it prompted a different conversation and, at one point, I said, “If I could be whoever I wanted to be…..” I have spent many moments since that conversation thinking about that statement. And I have come to this sad conclusion. There are some things I would like to be that I’m not, for one reason or another. And most of those things are easily changed. They don’t require any specific college degree or truckload of money. They just require the confidence and courage it takes for me to change. They require my willingness to care less about what other people think and more about what makes me happy. They require a leap of faith and some nerves of steel. And, I think, I’m ready.
There are so many different sides to who I want to be. There are so many different people I look at and think, “I wish I could be that.” Not exactly like them, but a specific trait they have that I feel I possess. Something that is inside of me, I just haven’t ever let it out. No more wishing. Life is too short for me to waste time being someone I don’t want to be. Life is too precious for me to look back on it with any regrets. I tell my children constantly that they can be whomever they want to be. I have finally realized that I get to do that too.
So, over the course of the next few months, I will be making some changes. I will be making decisions that get me to my ultimate goal…. Sara. Not the diluted version of myself that I have become. I am starting small. I have a hair appointment on Friday. Exciting things will be happening. Then, who knows after that? I do know this, I’m done apologizing for what is inside of me. I’m done trying to be who I think everyone else wants. I have four people to answer to; my God, my husband, and my kids. As long as I am who I need to be for them, I get to be happy with myself too. And, it’ long past time I made that happen.
Stay tuned for exciting changes to come….