Monsters Aren’t Just Under the Bed

12 Apr

I’m going to tell you a story. Two stories really. Two very different, yet very similar stories. Feel free to share your own story. We can all use a little support every now and then. This is the story of two women I know.

Both women are married. Their husbands are both good men, good husbands, and good fathers. Their marriages are both mostly happy. They are both good women, good wives, and good mothers. And both couples struggle with secondary infertility.

Woman 1 and her husband have been married for several years. They have one child. They tried for years before finally getting pregnant the first time and have been unsuccessful in getting pregnant again. She has some severe health issues. None of them are life threatening, but they are life altering. They mean that she is in physical pain nearly every day. They mean that she has good days and bad days but she never feels quite like herself. They mean that she is most likely facing one, or more, surgeries. They may mean that they can never get pregnant again. She is 31. At 31 years of age, she has been told that her reproductive system may not function well enough to allow her to have any other children.

Throughout all of this, I have seen her cry. I have seen her angry. I have seen her confused. I have seen her try to work towards acceptance. The most unfortunate thing I have seen is guilt. She feels guilty for being the one who can’t be a part of making a baby. She feels like her body is failing her. She feels like the sole purpose of her body, of being a woman, is something she can’t make use of. She feels like she has failed her husband. My heart breaks for her.

Then there’s woman 2. She and her husband got married a little later in life and they each have a child from previous relationships. I say a little later in life, but they are both under 35. Neither of them has ever struggled with infertility before. However, they have not been able to get pregnant within their marriage. Her husband has some medical issues. These issues affect everything about him. These issues greatly affect their marriage. These issues are reversible; they just may or may not be able to ever have more children. Their situation may be changed, it is just a process… and a very slow moving process.

Throughout all of this, I have seen her cry. I have seen her angry. I have seen her confused. I have seen her work towards acceptance. I have seen her try not to place blame. I have seen her begin to crumble while trying to be strong and supportive. I have seen her question everything she believes. I have seen her fight against giving up.

She wants to share the experience of having a child with her husband. She wants to experience the beauty of a pregnancy with the man that she loves. As long as I have known her, she has wanted several children. And now, she is facing the possibility of having to give up on her dreams.

There are so many reasons, situations, and circumstances surrounding infertility. And sometimes, there is no reason at all. What I know is this. Whether a couple already has a child or not, wanting another one, and being told you can’t…. is indescribable. I think it may be safe to say, there is no disappointment quite like that one.

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3 Responses to “Monsters Aren’t Just Under the Bed”

  1. faithsmomma April 12, 2013 at 2:01 pm #

    What a beautiful way to reach out to others

  2. Amber Cramer Jones April 19, 2013 at 12:09 am #

    This is beautiful!!! It took 5 years to get pregnant with my first son. I was told by several doctors I would never get pregnant and if I did I would never carry that child. My olderst proved them all wrong. He proved that it is ALL in God’s hands. It took another 3 1/2 years of heart break, tears and a toll on my marriage trying for baby number 2. Once again God showed us, it was up to Him. After several failed rounds of fertility meds, Elias was concieved naturally. I know the struggle of infertility way to well and pray for anyone with it.

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