Just hold on

7 Feb

imageMy son plays this game. Well, it’s not really a game. More like a stalling technique. Almost every night, after he’s said his prayers and I’ve kissed him goodnight, when I’m on my way back downstairs, I hear his little voice. “Mommy, one more hug and kiss.” And, without fail, I turn around, climb back up those stairs and give in. I kiss his little face and wrap my arms around him and hold on.

I hold on because I know he won’t always be little. One day, his voice won’t sound so sweet and innocent. One day, he won’t want me to tuck him in. One day, he won’t be so patient while I turn my head into his hair and breathe in that little boy smell. The mixture of shampoo, sweat, and sunshine. One day, he’ll be too big to want to call me back for one more. One day, he’ll be too embarrassed to hug his mom. One day, he’ll go to bed in his own house, with his own children. And I’ll hug him anyway, but I won’t be able to hold on.

I hold on because I know that’s where his security comes from. The security in knowing that he is loved so much. The security in knowing that he is my world. The security in knowing that I love him beyond his understanding. The security in knowing that I would drop everything to come running when he needs me. The security in knowing that his hugs calm my fears. The security in knowing that his mommy will always be there for one more hug. The security in knowing that I’ll hold on… and then I’ll let him go so he can dream his dreams.

I hold on because I know he’ll learn from that. He’ll learn that hugs can make someone feel special. He’ll learn that you should never keep your love from those who need it. He’ll learn that affection is necessary in a good relationship. He’ll learn that children need affection and love to grow. He’ll learn that we should never take one moment for granted. He’ll learn that, when the time comes for him to be a parent, he should also hold on.

I hold on because I know that not every parent can. I’ve been to funerals of children. I’ve seen countless more on the news. I know that, every night, somewhere there are parents wishing they could have one more hug. I know that no amount of time is guaranteed to us. I know that I refuse to waste any of the time I have with him. I know that if there’s anything I’m going to regret in my life, it will not be that I was too busy for one more hug. And so, because I am so very blessed, I hold on.

Some people might say, “it’s just a hug.” He probably thinks he’s pulling one over on me because he doesn’t have to go to sleep as quickly. Some days, I am just tired and I haven’t been able to sit down all day and the couch looks so so good. Some days, I’ve had a hard day, and I need a cup of tea and some time to relax. Some days, he’s had a hard day and has struggled with listening to anything I’ve said.

But then, I hear his little voice. “Mommy, one more hug and kiss.” And, without fail, I turn around, climb back up those stairs and give in. I kiss his little face and wrap my arms around him and hold on.

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5 Responses to “Just hold on”

  1. Dena Appleby February 7, 2013 at 9:46 pm #

    This was precious. My “babies” are 15 (almost 16), 14 and the youngest “baby” will be 11 in a few days 😦 I understand how quickly the time goes. I love looking at my kids and remembering those days when they were little and wanted one more hug and kiss. I am very blessed in that I have very affectionate kids. Even the 15 yr old likes to cuddle with mom on the couch and kisses me everyday, for no reason. I hope it is because he always got one more when he was growing up. His sisters are the same way. Hold on, because the only thing guaranteed in this life is that it will end. So, enjoy what you have while you have it. I have to go now and hold on ❤

  2. Anna Triplett February 7, 2013 at 9:59 pm #

    I always give in and go back for more too. It makes the hubby mad, because as you said, he sees it at her getting her way and putting sleep off. But then I think about how hard I tried to have her, how many times I’ve seen or heard others lose that opportunity and I think.. ehh… it’s just a few steps in there!

    • butterflywritersm February 7, 2013 at 10:47 pm #

      And there is nothing as good as a hug from a little person!

  3. Mary December 17, 2013 at 1:33 pm #

    Keep giving them one more. Then when they are grown they will have time to give you one more. My children are all in their twenties but they still hug me when they come in and when they leave. They did it in front of friends in high school. If we are standing near one another they put an arm around me. They no longer ask for one more but we are still holding on.

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