When someone asks me to describe myself, I always say the same thing. “I am a wife, a mom, and a teacher.” And that’s true. I am all of those things. Those are the most important things that I am. The most important things that I do. But a challenge from a friend has got me thinking. Who am I? Who is Sara? The woman that exists outside of my husband, my children, and my job. Does she even exist anymore? Do I exist? The sad truth is….. not really.
Before I was married and had my sweet boys (and a new little girl on the way!!!), I was a dreamer. I was a writer. I was a poet. I would take afternoons to walk by the river or through the park with a cup of coffee and my aimless thoughts. I read books. I loved to travel. And it’s not realistic that I can do all of those things again. Not all at once. I still believe that my most important things about me are that I am a wife and a mom. I still believe that my greatest responsibility, and my greatest joy, is taking care of the people God has given to me. But I need to take some time to find myself again. I need to get me back.
I still have dreams. They have shifted and changed to include my growing family, but they are still attainable. I will become a writer again. Maybe not as often as I once was, but I will put words on paper. I will think and feel and be, and I will write it down. I will take walks. Sometimes with a stroller and kids in tow, sometimes with just myself and my favorite beverage. I will read a book. It will probably take me longer than it once did. But I will read one. And then I will read another. We make a point to travel as a family. Taking vacations are very important to us. We love to give our children experiences and memories and are willing to sacrifice other things so that we can do that. I would also like to take a trip or two with just my husband and I. Trips where I can take the time to lay on the beach or stare at a mountain or walk through the woods by myself. Time that no one needs anything from me and it’s just me and the whole world. (Of course, knowing me, I will miss my children terribly and will be on the phone three times a day checking on them and talking to them.)
So, I’m off. On a journey to find myself. To figure out how I’ve changed or remained the same. To know that there is still a person in there, aside from Mommy. Because, as much as it breaks my heart, one of these days my children will be gone. They won’t need me anymore and they won’t fill every minute of my day. I need to find myself….. for myself. But also for them. I need them to see how important it is that they remain individuals once they have families. I need them to see that they can take care of everyone else, and take care of themselves too. So, I’m doing it. I’m getting me back.