17 Things Girls Need from their Mothers

9 Mar

I write this from the aspect of a woman who is a daughter. I write this from the point of view of a woman who has a step-daughter that came into my life when she was 7 years old. I write this from the stance of a woman who wants to have a daughter some day. I write this from the aspect of a woman who wants to see some change in the way little girls, and women, view themselves in society.

A girl needs:

Mother holding girl.

To be told she’s beautiful – every day. When she’s wearing her fanciest dress and her dirtiest jeans and tennis shoes. Tell her she’s beautiful, but then make her understand that she is so much more than that. That her beauty is only evident on the outside because of who she is on the inside.
To play make-believe – Barbie’s and princesses and ponies. Let her stretch her imagination as far as it will go. Let her dream of far off castles and unicorns and princes.
To know her self-worth – Show her that her worth is not in her body. Show her that she is so much more than what people see at first glance. Teach her that she should be smart, kind, someone worth knowing. Teach her to dig deep to find out who she is and who she wants to be.
To wear your make-up – and your jewelry and your shoes. Let her pretend to be you. She looks up to you and wants to be just like you. Make sure you are someone worthy of her aspirations.
To sing into your hair brushes – in the bathroom mirror, at the top of your lungs. We spend so much time being a mom. Don’t forget to spend some time being her best friend, too.
To do her nails – and her make-up and her hair. Don’t teach her to be vain, but teach her to take pride in her appearance. And to have fun doing it. Show her how to make herself feel beautiful, without being provocative or disrespectful to herself.
To be shown how to love – recklessly and without reservations. Teach her, by example, that her husband will need to feel respected. Let her see what unconditional love looks like, so that she will know how to show her children.
To be gentle… and tough – she will need both. Show her how to speak with kindness and nurse animals back to health. Then show her how to beat her brothers at football and stand her ground when she believes in something.
To be her own person – with her own ideas. Show her how important it is to take time for a cup of coffee and a good book, or a sky-diving lesson; whichever she prefers. Show her that taking time for herself and forming her own identity will keep her satisfied and content in life.
To see her mother love her father – show her what loving a good man can do for a woman. And what the love of a good woman can do for a man. If you aren’t married to her father, let her love him anyway.
To talk about sex – she needs to understand the passion and heart that goes into it. She needs to understand what she is actually giving when she gives her body. She needs to understand that it is more than ok to say, “no.” She needs to know that she can talk to you and ask you questions; when she’s 17 or 37. She also needs to know that she should be careful. There are boys whose hearts can be broken too.
To believe in herself – but when she can’t, assure her that you always will. The world is a scary place, full of uncertainty and pain. Make her believe that she can overcome anything, that she can accomplish anything, and that she can’t be stopped. If she believes that is true, it will be.
Her mom to cry with her – when her first pet dies, when her heart gets broken, when she puts on her wedding dress, and when she delivers her first child. Share her pain… and her joys.
To respect – and teach her that she can demand the same thing. Let her know that a boy should respect her before he is given the chance to love her and that girls who don’t respect her, don’t deserve her friendship. She also needs to know that if she doesn’t respect, people won’t respect her.
To appreciate the things she has – and work hard for the things she doesn’t. Let her decorate her own space, and save to buy the latest gadget.
To be herself – even if it’s not who you had envisioned. Let her be quiet and shy, or loud and outgoing. Let her wear clothes you don’t understand and listen to music you can’t connect with. Let her experiment with nail polish colors and hair styles, but not with drugs or boys. Let her be herself and get to know who that girl is.
To know she is loved – and has a some place to come home to. Let her come home from the sleep over early. Let her come home from college for the weekend. Let her come home for a cup of coffee when her own children are asking too much. Let her come home. Love her. And then send her back, knowing she has your unending love and support, to live her life again.

70 Responses to “17 Things Girls Need from their Mothers”

  1. faithsmomma March 9, 2013 at 2:18 pm #

    Beautifully written. Very insightful. Made me cry :)

  2. Mikki December 14, 2013 at 5:37 pm #

    Every bit of this is true! Thank you for writing it! These are needs…..musts!!!

  3. Kim December 18, 2013 at 5:27 pm #

    Beautiful. I desperately wanted these things from my own mother, but because she was broken, she wasn’t able to give them. So I wanted little girls, to give them all the love I never had, but God gave me boys and, and I believe, broke that cycle. And now I have the opportunity to love their wives and girlfriends with the kind of love I wanted to give my own daughters, but without any baggage. God is good.

    • Renee December 20, 2013 at 12:06 am #

      Oh Kim, your words had me tearing up! I am sure you would have been a wonderful mother to a girl but I love how you look at what you ARE able to give

    • sharon green December 31, 2013 at 8:01 pm #

      I do understand where you are coming from Kim….God is good but there are times I like to give Him a good talking to….lol. Good luck and God bless you.

    • Ariel January 2, 2014 at 5:03 pm #

      You can do a lot of these things with boys, just with a few tweaks. Boys are humans too and need all of the love of their mothers. Or else they will grow up to be cold and emotionless, and not know how to love a woman right. I know because I married a man who had a mother who didn’t show him a whole lot of love like this. And to this day she still will not admit it. If you confront her, you are in the wrong, and end up looking like the jerk.

    • nancy January 3, 2014 at 3:17 am #

      you took the words right out of my mouth <3

    • Dawn January 3, 2014 at 9:27 pm #

      I can relate. I desperately wanted the same from my mother, being as she never got it from her parents, but she never really showed us. I catch myself at times being just like her and I have to stop and scold myself. I too am a product of the vicious cycle. I don’t know how to show love to anyone much less my children. I have caught myself when my daughter hugs me for too long saying ok that’s enough, and that’s when I see my mother in myself. Do u have anymore advice on what I could do to stop this cycle? Something that will help me daily to show my daughter I do love her? I had no where to live when my daughter was 1, her father was locked up so I had to move back home. My mother said her nerves couldn’t handle a kid livin with her. So I had to let my uncle and aunt keep her till I got on my feet. But she ended up bein messed with while up there and I didn’t know till we moved. But I was done like that also, and it didn’t help me with the showing love thing. But I don’t want her to grow up to b like me I want to break it. To show her the proper way to love and b loved. HELP PLEASE

      • covetedcreations January 4, 2014 at 8:19 am #

        Dawn,

        The hugging part- I do the same thing. I have to remind myself how it felt for my mom to recoil or refuse hugs “it’s too hot” was her favorite excuse to refuse my hugs. It gets easier if you understand a little, in my opinion.
        This helped me heal:

        http://www.daughtersofnarcissisticmothers.com

      • Stephanie Shawn Majors January 4, 2014 at 1:06 pm #

        I had a family like that too. In order to break that cycle, you have to go against the things you were taught, and it is hard, but you can do it. Start small. First, build in time for her. That is hard if you are a working mom, but it is amazing how just a few minutes can do a world of good. Include her in the everyday things. Let her help you cook or fold laundry, even if she is making a mess. And read to her. Sometimes the lessons in children’s books can remind us of important lessons in life. Next, try to think, what would I have wanted my mom to do. Put yourself in your daughter’s shoes. She won’t always get it right, and there will be times that she will need to be reprimanded. But there are other times when she will learn the lesson on her own, and she will need a hug and some compassion. Build a support system, people that you trust that can help. we are all human, and we all get frustrated. Parenting is hard. Sometimes, you just need an encouraging word, and sometimes you need someone to step in and babysit or help. Make sure it is someone you can trust, and I would look for people with a positive attitude. It is had to teach positive thinking if you are surrounded by critical people. If you want to be a good parent, find other good parents. I have two girls, and I am also a teacher, and I will tell you, balancing everything is the hardest part. But the biggest lesson I have had to learn is quit trying to do it on my own. Let others help you, and involve God. I pray about motherhood and making the right choices. And I got involved in a good, supportive church.
        And, this is something that isn’t easy. Forgive your mother, and yourself. I have a mother who is very self-involved, but when she tries to reach out, I let her. Baby steps. Show her how you want to be treated by treating her the way you wish to be treated. I hope this helps. Just remember, to take one day at a time.

      • Carol January 6, 2014 at 12:16 am #

        There is a book that helped me understand the relationship I had with my mother and suggested steps for recovery. It is “Will I Ever Be Good Enough? — Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers.” Hope this helps.

      • Rosalinda January 10, 2014 at 4:40 am #

        show love by living a note in her lunch box, in her room, in her purse, in her mirror…I constantly do this with my daughter and when I overlook to do it, she reminds me that I forgot. I give to my daughter whatever I wanted from my mother: unconditional love. I am not perfect but I also talk to her about me not being perfect but that I am trying to be the best mother I can. I also ask her what are areas in our relationship that she would like to see strengthen or make better. I reassure her that she is not going to hurt my feelings and that this will help me when I am asking God to help me be a better person. You brake the cycle by consciously doing something loving EVERYDAY even if at first it feels like work. Anything that you want to see change requires sacrifice. God, after all, is your helper.

      • Pam Sockness January 17, 2014 at 5:05 pm #

        Hi Dawn, I worried about that too when I was having kids, we have 2 girl and a boy, what I did was write down these letters in different places in my house and even in my car, they were and still are YNYP, I had them on slips of sticky notes. I knew it works because my daughters posted this article for mr when my son talks to people about me he tells them he is the luckiest man in the world. Our kids are 36,34,32. So I know it can be done. I was bound and determined not to be my parents. Just seeing those 4 letters reminded me daily You can still turn out ok even if you were messed with, believe me I know.

      • judy g February 14, 2014 at 5:55 pm #

        I would like to suggest that you find a good Assembly of God church in your area where they will love and support you, I have been lucky enough to do that, all mothers have their flaws and make bad decisions just like we have, i would talk to my Dad instead of my Mother because she was so busy with the house and all the duties that went with being a homemaker in the 50’s and 60’s, i disappointed my folks just like anyone else, and despite now being a sr. citizen, i am still not perfect, i have learned to accept the fact that God loves me more than anybody else ever will and his love is unconditional, that gets me thru many, many days. some people need counseling with this, there is no shame in asking for help when you need it, i am in Mo., we have a Christain couseling grp. a good friend of mine goes to, it is called Agape counseling, it only costs her 6.00 per session, and she goes weekly, it has done wonders for her. maybe you can check and see if there is something similar in your area. I will be praying for you, please keep me posted.

    • Tara January 5, 2014 at 3:39 am #

      The same in my case Kim. I didn’t get those things from my broken mother and had always wanted a daughter, but got 3 sons instead. <3 No matter what, we already broke the cycle with healing and understanding.

  4. BrownSugarBritches December 21, 2013 at 11:44 am #

    Very nicely stated. I just gave birth to my first daughter — along side my second son. Twins: one month old. Although I’m not perfect, I’ve tried to do most of these things. I know I have room for improvement. All of my children will thank you for this.

  5. Teresa Otto December 22, 2013 at 8:43 pm #

    I hope and Pray that I tought my Daughter some of these, they are right on the nose.

  6. Sherry Miller December 24, 2013 at 12:24 am #

    I raised 2 sons and my heart always yearned for a girl. God gave me an unexpected gift…..my 4yr old granddaughter who I was given custody of. She is now 15 and the light of my life, I cannot imagine my life without her. I am 63 and people ask how do you do it?? I do it 1 day at a time and I savor every moment I have with her. I know she will be mine till the day I die…proud grandma.

    • Kristin January 4, 2014 at 4:42 pm #

      Beautiful! Enjoy!

  7. Dianne Boyington December 30, 2013 at 9:43 am #

    This will be so, so wonderful to raise my great niece by, she’s so beautiful as was my Robyn. Wished Collyns could have know her……
    .

  8. egaode December 30, 2013 at 2:24 pm #

    The best thing my Grandmother used to tell me all the time was “Confidence is beautiful.” The next best thing was “Stand up straight” as I now have good posture and I walk into a room with confidence. It has helped me so much :)

  9. Cindy Laramee December 31, 2013 at 2:36 am #

    cindy Bowden every mother and father should see this////it brought tears to my eyes….amazing

  10. Ady Timmer December 31, 2013 at 4:20 am #

    Book to read John Eldredge You Have What it takes

  11. starbursteyes December 31, 2013 at 7:41 am #

    Loved it all, but the last one really struck a cord with me!

  12. Michelle December 31, 2013 at 3:37 pm #

    Very beautiful such true words of wisdom

  13. Tamara Fedder December 31, 2013 at 6:39 pm #

    I wish i had learned these when i was a young mother. Please let my daughter see this.

    • sharon green December 31, 2013 at 8:04 pm #

      Tamara, dear, its never to late to do these things…..you may have to modify them but you can still do them…..don’t give up, we daughters always need a GOOD mother…..God bless and good luck

  14. Patricia January 1, 2014 at 2:38 am #

    On the contrary ! I did all those a things for my mother , her mother probley did not , raising parents is hard

  15. lia January 2, 2014 at 4:14 pm #

    This is such an awful list. I’m glad my mother didn’t try to transform me into a 1960’s housewife like the one described in this article.

    • Emily January 2, 2014 at 10:38 pm #

      @lia please tell me where it says anything about being a “housewife”, which is an inappropriate term because who marries a house?? I think you need to reevaluate this list with an open mind about being a mother. If you aren’t a mother then you won’t understand this list.

  16. Megan January 2, 2014 at 9:03 pm #

    Beautiful. & Soooo true. I’m a single mother of a 7yr old little girl. & I, unfortunately have to work alot..it’s hard. Coming from a family where it was my sister, 4yrs younger than myself & my parents married 30 years this year. Definitely not what I had pictured for my future, or my future family… But life happens, eh? I like to think I’m a pretty fun, loving Mom to her, but this is a fantastic reminder list of what we, as mothers have to do for our girls.

  17. Maribel Vázquez January 2, 2014 at 11:20 pm #

    Precioso!!

  18. Paula January 3, 2014 at 7:28 pm #

    You don’t have a step-daughter – you have a DAUGHTER. When you marry someone, you marry their children too. Even if they are not in your life daily, they are still part of your family. It saddens me to see so many continue to make that distinction. It is very painful for the child when they hear the step-parent make that distinction – ask my daughter how she feels when her step-grandparents completely ignore her. Thank god I have a wonderful husband who makes up for it, and is a better father than her ‘real’ one.

    • butterflywritersm January 3, 2014 at 8:45 pm #

      I agree and I completely hate that word! She is very much mine. I just try very hard to respect her mother and not step on any toes….

      • Jennifer January 4, 2014 at 3:47 pm #

        My child has a step mother and from mom’s everywhere I appreciate your respect. It is very difficult sharing a child’s love with another woman. I know that I am number one, but for a time it was hard to hear how wonderful this other woman was. I have since learned to appreciate the place she has in his life without being resentful. A task that would have been much easier had she been respectful.

    • Barb Wallace January 10, 2014 at 3:42 am #

      The same can be said for the word “adopted.” but I find it very telling that you refer to your kid’s grandparents as step-grandparents. Hopefully you don’t use that term in front of her. If so, that’s damn hypocritical.

  19. Danni January 3, 2014 at 8:33 pm #

    I liked most of the list. However, I think girls can imagine more than just princesses, ponies and castles. When I was a kid, I imagined those things sometimes, but mostly I imagined adventures–the swashbuckling kind. And sometimes I pretended to be a great scientist, and sometimes I was a doctor and when I played cops and robbers I was ALWAYS the robber, because I thought it was more fun… :D Just saying… don’t limit your little girls to “girly things.” Let them truly be themselves, even if it’s a tomboy who decorates her bike with Ninja Turtle cards that she stole from her brothers. LOL.
    But I do agree with the spirit of your list. It is very well written.

  20. vane January 4, 2014 at 3:48 am #

    Wish my mom was like this…I’m so thankful for he but I’m also tiered of not pleasing her no matter what I do…….I hate always being the failure that really never did any thing wrong

  21. Jennifer January 4, 2014 at 3:41 pm #

    I am somone’s daughter and received all these in spades:) Even her favorite pair of shoes! I have only one child, a boy, the reason I breathe. He learned these things too…well not the makeup or shoes, but we do a killer duet and I learned from him all the wonderful places a toy car goes that we can’t get to. Love your children, enjoy your children boy or girl. They grow very quickly and one day you wish they were still young enough to color on the walls and track mud thru your living room.

  22. Kristin January 4, 2014 at 4:46 pm #

    It is about role models. Teach through example. Maybe your mother needs you to be a role model, not to be told she did something wrong. Love her unconditionally. Love your daughters and sons unconditionally. Tell them what you need and if they can do it they will. Don’t judge if they can’t.

  23. Marta January 4, 2014 at 6:39 pm #

    Marta: I have a mom like this and I love her so much. She is 80 now and I’m afraid of her being here no more because then I would not have a place to go back to. Love you dearly Mami!

  24. Elaine Rogers January 4, 2014 at 10:28 pm #

    for she is the Divine Feminine!

  25. Stephanie Jordan January 5, 2014 at 3:58 am #

    Beautiful and so true. As a mother of three daughters, three brillant, smart, funny, and three different people and one little son, this is so true and worth sharing. Life is so fast paced now and everything is at your finger tips, take time to slow down and share yourself with your daughter/children. Love this peice :0)

  26. Peace, Love, and... Real Life January 5, 2014 at 4:09 am #

    Beautifully written and so very true. Sometimes in the midst of being a parent it is hard to remember these things. What a great reminder.

  27. Peace, Love, and... Real Life January 5, 2014 at 4:16 am #

    Beautifully written. Sometimes in the midst of parenting it is hard to remember these things. A great reminder!

  28. Joy January 5, 2014 at 6:27 pm #

    Great post – thanks for the reminder as a daughter and a mom of one…

  29. Mamie McCall January 5, 2014 at 7:43 pm #

    Beautifully written! Made me cry.

  30. drawmeapenguin January 5, 2014 at 7:58 pm #

    I agree with all of this, apart from “Barbies and princesses and ponys.” Girls should always be encouraged to be so much more! Let them be pirates, dragon slayers and lion tamers too. Never confine them to these “girly” roles, each one of them can dream so much bigger!

  31. Doug January 6, 2014 at 1:11 am #

    Father’s viewpiont:
    Teach her to be able to take care of her stuff.
    Checking oil is just the start. (Helps self esteem & confidence too.)
    Teach her TO DEFEND HERSELF! Dad and cops can’t always be there.
    Love her without reservation. (No ifs or other qualifiers.)

    • Glenda Smith January 11, 2014 at 5:13 am #

      Good going dad! I appreciate your comment. Girls REALLY need their dads to let them know how valuable they are so that the first ole hairy legged boy that comes along that says “I love you” will not turn her head as easy!

      Gramma of 7

  32. Barb Wallace January 6, 2014 at 2:10 am #

    She’ll need to spend time with her dad, or the next door neighbor helping him fix stuff around the house. I did and I can fix anything in my house. I only stopped working on my cars when computers became too prevalent under the hood. She needs to play in the dirt with cars and trucks, building her own roads and bridges. She needs to play strategy games. She needs to play sports and learn how to be a good team member, a leader and a follower. Even if she picks hockey. She needs to lern to cook and bake, two entirely different processes. She needs to play rough with her brothers or neighborhood friends who are boys. She needs to watch how people treat her mother, and how her mother reacts. And discuss why mom made certain choices.she should be encouraged to take maths and sciences, to ask without fear if she doesn’t fully understand. She needs to be taught that childhood and teenage years are some of the shortest and most difficult years to get through, and if she comes out the other side in one piece, she’ll be the better for it. She needs to know it’s okay to ask for help, for anything-schoolwork, sports, coping skills. We didn’t all start out with all the answers, we had to learn and make mistakes.

  33. BreaBrea January 6, 2014 at 6:31 am #

    Thanks for writing that! My mother dose none of those things and this made me realize I am slacking on a few myself….. Tomorrow is a new day and I will let her know how important this little one is to me. Eye opener

  34. Jenna January 6, 2014 at 9:42 am #

    This is so true… It makes me sad to read it… My mother tried to give me some of these things… But mental health issues got in the way. Luckily I seemed to have turned out alright:) and while I have no children of my own… I love to be “Auntie” to my friends daughters and hopefully my brothers children someday. Beautifully written! Thank you:)

  35. Catherine Ruedisueli January 6, 2014 at 12:11 pm #

    As a Christian mother I view this ‘ list’ as one more ‘ list’ to add to my many other ‘lists’ of standards, expectations and challenges for the modern mom / woman. Yes, all of the article is VERY worthy of a mom’s consideration. As a mother of four girls 15 and up I have come to realize that there is only so much a mom can do and the rest must be trusted to God, the Blessed Mother and (hopefully) the loving family and friends around them. As my girls have returned home on college breaks I do hear how much they are thankful for the kind of mom I was /am /tried to be. I am also allowed to use the opportunity to apologize for my shortcomings etc. They have all responded with love and understanding. I pray my example of ‘wanting to be everything they need–realizing I can’t –but still trying regardless’ will help them if/when they become mothers. Only God can provide all they need—and this Christian mom thinks THAT should be included on the list above. I type this with respect for all faiths! Thanks for sharing this post and allowing me to share my thoughts. I hope they encourage at least one mom ; )

  36. Anand Rathore January 7, 2014 at 12:40 pm #

    Thank you for this wonderful post. I appreciate it and sharing to as many as I can.

  37. Michelle January 7, 2014 at 1:40 pm #

    This brought tears to my eyes that are still lingering. I did not have a mother that did this, she wasn’t there emotionally. Her theory was to instill fear in your children and I wish she would have done these things for me. I swear to one day do all of this for my daughter and I swear I to raise everyone of my children. the way she did noy raise us. I’m so happy to be the only child out of three to grow up and have a future with my own family.

  38. golden102c@gmail.com January 8, 2014 at 2:35 am #

    To be given a child to love and to raise is God’s greatest gift, and to raise that child without God’s wisdom is an impossible task.

    • Glenda Smith January 11, 2014 at 5:32 am #

      I was not a very good mom to my two children when they were young. I never had a role model to follow and did a lot of things I am not proud of. I have more than tried to make up for it in the last 15 yrs or so, but I guess you cannot unring a bell. I wish I had accepted Jesus long before I did because I know it would have made a huge difference. That is my biggest regret in life.

      I have 4 grandkids and my husband has 2. All of the grandchildren except 1 have parents that take them to church and have God in their homes. The one that is not taken to church by her parents is the one I get every weekend if I can and take her with me. She loves it! She raises her hands and worships God. My daughter in law didnt have a role model either. Sad. However, I have started a book for her that this column reminds me of. It’s all the things I want her to know in case her mom isnt able to teach them to her, and in case I go home to be with the Lord before she is old enough to have some of these conversations with. I was glad to find this article and I will use it as a guideline for some things that I might have missed. But it is already 10 pages! I have also used scripture in some instances to remind her that Jesus is real and in our every thought and to trust Him.

      Anyway, my hopes are that I can maybe get it right with at least one child.

      Thank you for writing this article

      Glenda Smith

  39. JamericanSpice (@Jamericanspice) January 8, 2014 at 3:57 am #

    This is a very good list! Thank you.

  40. Leigh ann wallize January 9, 2014 at 4:19 am #

    My my loved me but not like this. She tried but she wanted me to stay a child and never leave her. Her attachment to me was too much. I couldn’t leave her, not that I knew how to do that, and break her heart. I loved her and miss her since she’s gone. But I am ill equipped to deal with life. All the basics were never shown to me. Love myself, respect myself, know that I’m worth it and deserve love, I know nothing about that and therefore I don’t believe it. I will spend the rest of my time on this planet alone and bitter and I hate that. So moms please read these they are great lessons for your girls.

    • Rosalinda January 10, 2014 at 4:47 am #

      You don’t have to spend the rest of your life being alone and bitter. YOU have the power to change things. Change requires sacrifices. You must not surrender to bitterness, for this takes much much more energy that trying to better yourself.

  41. Gail January 9, 2014 at 4:46 am #

    so very well written-cried the whole time while reading

  42. LullabyCry January 10, 2014 at 6:35 pm #

    Reading this made me realize how little my mother did for me emotionally, which is why I learned to detach myself from her emotionally in my mid-teens. In doing so, it has made me a different mother than she is. I have given my son the hugs and kisses that I never got, the words of encouragement that I longed for but never received, and the guarantee that there is a shoulder to cry on, that he will never have to feel alone. If I ever have a daughter, I have already vowed to love her like I wanted to be loved, to be not just an authority figure, but a friend and confidante, to teach her confidence without arrogance. I don’t ever want my children to wonder if I love them. No child should ever feel that way, as it haunts them into their adult years. So taking the time to do these things mentioned in this article, oh man, will it do wonders for their self-esteem. What a great guideline.

  43. Katie January 11, 2014 at 5:02 am #

    This is fantabulous! To the poster below that said it was archaic, she is obviously young and doesn’t have children or know what she’s talking about. This is telling mothers anything BUT being a 1960’s housewife! It’s telling women how to empower their girls! I have a mother who was raised in the 50’s and 60’s and she didn’t get any of this unfortunately. But she tried her best to give it to me and I am forever grateful. I now have 5 daughters and I have tried and continue to try everyday to do all of these things.
    My oldest who is a 26 y/o step- daughter who came to live with me at 13. My other daughters are 20, 16, 14, & 10. I have done all of these things with them and I have awesome relationships with my girls while still maintaining my mom role. I try to tell them everyday how beautiful they are inside and out. My biggest thing I try to instil is to always be true to themselves. Always be you! Do NOT change for anyone. Be a silly heart or the quiet girl. My husband and I have our ups and downs like everyone, but I am always me with him and he loves me for me…all of me. Your friends and boyfriends and one day husbands have to love you for you!
    I also try and have tried to find something they love and encourage it. I’ve had and have a basketball player, an acrobat/ cheerleader, a ball player who loves to sing karaoke and a couple of dancers. Everyone needs a passion.
    I still lay down the law and they’re still afraid me when they need to be, but at the same time they come to me with everything. My older girls came to me when they thought about having sex and about teenage parties and drinking.
    We burp, fart, get dirty, love high heels, doing each other’s hair (they do mine more for me now that I’m getting older and they know what’s cool) car dance, have awesome family dinners and most of all laugh a lot and cry too.
    I’ve set high expectations in the subjects in which they excel in school, and offer help and compassion in the subjects in which they struggle.
    I work and love my job and also teach dance which I love. I have a crazy schedule between theirs and mine and I try to go to every game, cheer competition and dance competition. I expect them to do the same for their kids.
    I don’t have a controlling husband and would never stand for it and tell my girls to never accept any relationship that doesn’t have respect both ways. They’ve seen their parents argue, sometimes not when we wanted them to, and they’ve seen us make-up and forgive.
    I feel like with each daughter I make less mistakes, but also have less time. I have kind, strong, smart, independent beautiful girls, I just pray they stay that way. I am not a perfect mom, but I try to be the best one I can be. At the end of the day, I still wonder if I’m screwing them up somehow, but I think all good moms worry the same thing.

  44. imeelct204 January 11, 2014 at 6:14 am #

    I have yet to finish the very end of your post, and I already know I love it. I needed every single one of these, yet somehow did not get them, or perhaps did not understand, through all the cultural and old world static, from my own hardworking, loving mother.

    I will re-blog it. Thank you for this.

  45. Loridee "Swapmolly" Shirey January 13, 2014 at 6:46 am #

    Only look for men who know u r a princess

  46. Stephanie Larry-Byrd January 13, 2014 at 5:25 pm #

    Beautiful, to my niece you are so loving and encouraging to all young ladies and Mothers to come. I know that my Mom filled all those categories whether or not I received them was on me but she gave my what she had. I believe I shortchanged my daughter but I am on point now. ..I love you LaJarda and I got you….thank you Aliyah ♥♥♥♥

  47. Janet Nold January 15, 2014 at 2:46 am #

    This is so beautiful and true. Mothers all love their children and want only the best for them. Thank you girls for being you and always being there for one another and for your Mom! Life is so sweet and beautiful with family and especially Grand Children. Its good to know you are loved.

  48. Marsha Keller January 20, 2014 at 12:37 am #

    Yes it is beautiful, but what was, for me, even more beautiful. . . it having my daughter post this on my page with the words, “Thank you mom, for being this for me.”

    Thank you for writing it. IT is a gift to all females.

  49. Laura P. January 21, 2014 at 1:04 pm #

    So touching and honest words. I feel so blessed, as my mom did most of these things. I wish she had prepared me more for the cruelty I was going meet outside our home. Thank God my husband is tender, caring and sweet. I read most of the above comments. I am really happy for the ones that took all this unconditional love from their family. For the others, I would advice them not to give up on love. Sometimes, like my best friend Natasa, when you do not have something, you get to appreciate it more. Heads up and keep your hearts open. So nice to share all these emotions with you, girls.

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